90 Days ago, everything changed. I wasn't sure I was in love anymore....I know better now. 90 days ago I had a friend who was still happy and whole....and now she will spend the rest of her life hurting. Missing her husband. 90 days ago. 3 months. The halfway mark. 4 Months ago I had no idea what real fear was....I learned that watching CNN as my husband crossed the border into Iraq.

I really do love him. I know that now. Amazing how much easier it is for him (and me too) to say how we feel in letters...he has made me fall in love with him all over again. It is easy to forget all the sweet things he does for me when he is around everyday. Easy to overlook all the things he did that made my life easier....and just see the things that annoyed me.

My house is so much messier lately. I can't seem to keep up, and I don't have any real desire to lately. I really need to get started sorting through the playroom to make it Kaitlyn's room for now....she is climbing her crib, so I need to drag the toddler bed back out...how can my baby be almost 1 all ready?

I talked to P today....is it terrible that I put off calling her sometimes? She is my friend, probably my best IRL friend....before everything went wrong, we would spend hours talking, and laughing....I shared so much with her, things no one knows about me. And now there is this wall there....I am so afraid of saying soemthing that will hurt her....I hesitate when I mention Kevin....how can I share my excitement over getting a phone call, when she never will again? She still is getting mail from him...6 weeks after he died. I can't even imagine how that must feel.

Well, I should be in bed, the kids are all sleeping. Hopefully I will have something less depressing to say tommorow.

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